New fic and more whining

[sunken_standard]

So I wrote a new story just in time for Halloween and posted it on AO3.  Why not post it here, you ask?  Because a few minutes after I put it up on AO3, my monitor decided to take a shit and die.  Good times.



So now I'm using my Mom's computer (her monitor won't work on mine, since I can't change the display settings without actually seeing them).  I'm going to try to fix the monitor myself using YouTube tutorials (I diagnosed the problem, at least, and I think I can replace a capacitor; we shall see), but that means I have to leave the house to go to Radioshack.  I'll have to leave the house anyway to go to the bank, no getting around it.  I haven't set foot off the property in over a month (being out in the yard doesn't count, I actually did go outside to stack wood). 

And to everyone I owe emails and comment responses and things -- I'll get to them eventually, I swear.  I've just been in a mood (and by 'mood' I mean the longest and blackest period of depression I've ever experienced, and that's saying something coming from me); it's really nothing personal.



But anyway, here's the link to the story on AO3:

The Haunting of Molly Hooper (R for graphic violence; Gen, 8.5k words)
Summary:  Things are happening to Molly Hooper that she can't explain.

I have to warn you, it's not that good or my usual kind of thing, but I've been mainlining those real-life paranormal shows and horror movies since the beginning of the month, so.  At least I finally finished something, hooray! 

Comments

[madder-badder.livejournal.com]

ACK! Computer issues suck. Hope you can fix it.

Leave the house. You'll feel better. or at least like you've left the house. Small steps.

I love the story. But you know that already :D

ALSO: Stop apologizing for what you write. It's unnecessary!

[sunken-standard.livejournal.com]

Since I'm trying to look on the bright side today (hahahahah), at least this is one more thing I can add to my list of ways I'm sticking it to The Man. Eat that, consumerism! Except that I'm getting a new monitor anyway and the repaired one (provided I don't ruin it) will go on my Mom's computer.

Leave the house?! And deal with all those people? Or worse, run into someone I know and have to make small talk? *shudder*

I always apologize because I feel like I'm phoning it in. Everything I do should be in some way better than the thing before it, not just 'hey, whatever' (which is what the porn is, and this last one is). Granted, it looks like I have no self-esteem and don't believe in my writing when I do that, but... I have have no self-esteem and don't believe in my own writing. And I should, because people like it, but I don't because there's always something wrong with it. Perfectionism is in no way a virtue, only frustrating and depressing. I take certain things entirely too seriously when I shouldn't.

[madder-badder.livejournal.com]

I always apologize because I feel like I'm phoning it in.

Oh. We should all be so lucky to phone this in. You. YOU!!!

Perfectionism is not a virtue. It's unrealistic and pointless. It's a distraction.

OF COURSE you have no self-esteem. OF COURSE you have no faith in your writing. That's what I am here for :D

[sunken-standard.livejournal.com]

:D

(I opened a blank Word doc today, stared at the cursor for 20 minutes, then closed it.

Also, funny story -- someone reblogged my fic post on Tumblr, then deleted it. I think they reblogged without reading, then decided they didn't like it. I found that kind of amusing.)

[madder-badder.livejournal.com]

Bwahahahahahaha! That is crazy.

Humans crack my shit up.

[sunken-standard.livejournal.com]

Even funnier -- it was a Molly Hooper RP blog. I think she took it personally.

[carolyn-claire.livejournal.com]

Eeeeee that was creepy and awesome. :D (I'm all about the creepy right now.) What are you talking about, it was great! And finishing always feels good, doesn't it? One of these days I hope to finish something new. *sigh* Go you with the monitor repair! That's very handy of you.

[sunken-standard.livejournal.com]

Thank you :D

I'm also all about the creepy; I scared myself stupid watching "Paranormal Witness" in the name of research. Like, afraid to walk down the hallway without the light on, screaming when the cat jumps on the bed when I'm almost asleep because I think it's poltergeist, won't look at a reflective surface in the dark kind of creeped out. I'm a goofball.

For me, sometimes finishing is satisfying, but other times it's like being drunk enough to wish you could throw up, then actually doing it, then experiencing exhaustion and a marginal feeling of relief (for the record, I've only been puke-drunk three times in my life, all when I was young and didn't know my limits; open bar wedding receptions are never a good idea and wine of any kind is not my friend).

I'm excited, they just shipped my repair kit. So next week I'll have a project. :D

[shoedog.livejournal.com]

Scary! 'Drag Molly To Hell.'

Check your mail hole, finally sent it off today.

Those two stories I have? Are you alright w/me switching some stuff from one to another and suggesting a different ending? If not, I bought a great book on the history of spinsters (Women who spun to earn their own living, mostly to free themselves from patriarchal societies.) Let me know! If you don't have computer access I can figure a way to get my phone number to you.

[sunken-standard.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha! That would have been a good title.

Yay! I am excite! (see, I'm hip, I can use the slang)

With the stories, you can if you want. Honestly, don't feel obligated. I'm still not sure what I want to do with anything. Also, there's another unfinished one that I tried to blend with the scandal story, but it wasn't working for me, so I tried going forward and hit another wall, if you want to see that. Like I said above, perfectionism is so annoying, as is constantly second-guessing myself (like I do all the time, even in personal correspondence, another reason I've been radio-silent lately).

That book sounds interesting. I'm still slogging through Decade of Nightmares (about the mid-70's into the 80's and the change in America's cultural and moral landscape); it's a good thing it's written in subsections within each chapter because it makes me angry and I have to stop reading. Same reason I've never finished A People's History of the United States -- it just fuels my disgust with politics and society.

I have limited access until the new monitor comes, which should be Monday at the latest (it shipped from Edison NJ this afternoon via UPS, so fingers crossed I should have it tomorrow). Until then, I'm going to try being productive in other ways. Yesterday I cleaned out the fridge and washed the inside, made pumpkin fudge, made dinner for the folks (which I never do because my my cooking is "weird" and it's pointless to try to get them to eat anything new, and I'm not big on the whole meat and potatoes thing), did dishes, and cleaned part of my bedroom. It's the most I've done in weeks. Today I stacked firewood when it wasn't raining. I'm like superwoman, compared to my usual levels of sloth.

[shoedog.livejournal.com]

As for the mood, move to Southern Illinois, we'll put you up, we can be in that dark place together.

It's nasty, isn't it?

Never dreamed my life would turn out like this. I want to move to the Northwest, live in one of those tiny houses. There's a great site that has a cottage plan w/fireplace.

Let's start a kibbutz. We can all take care of each other as we age.

[sunken-standard.livejournal.com]

You know what's crazy? I've had an open invitation to live with my best friend in the Seattle area for years. I can't cut the cord any more than my parents can, though. It's stupid, but I feel guilty leaving them (and oh, there's so much to that, somewhere between me being a whiny, spoiled brat and a bit of emotional abuse/ actively fostered dependence on my parents' part). Like, if I leave, something bad will happen to me, or to them (which is stupid to think, but the idea's been planted in my head from childhood, so...).

I've seriously been thinking about medication again. I stopped my antidepressants about 2 years ago, mostly because I was having issues with loss of fine motor control and loss of sensation in my hands and fingers, which I've read is a side-effect of long-term SSRI use (and I spent literally half my life on them, from age 15 to 30, minus a few months when I tried to kick them the first time). I'm so reluctant to go back on them when I know what I'm in for.

A kibbutz sounds like a marvelous idea. I've wanted to live in a commune since I read Helter Skelter when I was 13. Not that I want to murder movie stars or anything. I just like the idea of intentional communities.

(Back to stacking wood now. I'm going to get totally ripped, like Chyna from WWE.)

[shoedog.livejournal.com]

A not good thing to say but I remember as a kid seeing the Manson girls being led to trial, thinking,"Wow! They look so hip and pretty!"





And that other great 70s fashion icon, Patty 'Tania' Hearst...

[sunken-standard.livejournal.com]

Oddly, BC dated Patty Hearst's daughter. At least, I think I read that somewhere.

And the Manson girls... I was always fascinated with them. I couldn't understand how they let themselves get so warped. I understand falling under the spell of a charismatic man, but there's also a point where one's self-preservation instinct or internal sense of right and wrong should kick in, even as a teenager. I mean, I get it a bit, considering the context of the time period and their backgrounds, but even then... I guess that's one of the reasons the whole thing remains so interesting to people 40 years later.

[shoedog.livejournal.com]

I have an odd kink for certain female outlaws..

[sunken-standard.livejournal.com]

It's the whole defiant woman thing, I think. "Good" women are much less interesting. :D

[shoedog.livejournal.com]

"Also, there's another unfinished one that I tried to blend with the scandal story, but it wasn't working for me, so I tried going forward and hit another wall, if you want to see that."

I'm posting like a little girl on a sugar high but YES! YES! YES! YES! G.mail it to me, PRETTY PLEASE?!?